Living with an Emotional Cold

Back to the Basics of Life

2009-12-26T04:24:00.002-05:00

I had an English teacher in high school who once told me I was afraid of success. Not true. I'm just lazy.

And life never works out the way you want if you don't stick to your plan.

I've stated here many times how I was going to attend a four-year university. I never did. I never felt like I could do it. I never felt like I could make a cohesive plan regarding where I would live or work during school. I regret my actions. I wanted to be a professional, college-educated writer, but I held myself back. Now everything is changing and I won't get that chance.

The direction of my life does not appeal to me now. I think it's time to make a new plan.

1. What are my goals?
2. What is my current situation?
3. What are my obstacles/time constraints?
4. How can I overcome my obstacles?

How do I figure out how to be happy?

The Remainder

2009-04-02T08:18:00.002-04:00

I think the remainder of my life will be occupied by dishes, laundry, vacuuming, doting on a husband who sometimes doesn't deserve it.

The old adage is true; a woman's work is never done.

In my next life I will strive to be a trophy wife who never has to lift a finger.

Corruption (pt. 2)

2009-02-18T02:19:00.001-05:00

It's 2:19 AM. I quit drinking. I quit smoking. However, my husband is still passed out in the bed.

Corruption

2008-08-31T01:25:00.002-04:00

I have been corrupted.

Here I am sitting at the computer at 1:25 A.M. (nothing new), but this time I'm drinking Vodka and orange soda and smoking. What a life, huh?

My husband is passed out in the bed and I'm bored; looking for something to do.

Ain't married life great?!

I...Do?

2007-10-27T04:53:00.000-04:00

Yep. I said the big I DO. August 24, 2007. I'm a Mrs. now and let me say it's the biggest challenge of my life and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

volver

2007-04-22T14:21:00.000-04:00

i haven't felt like expressing many of my opinions lately

maybe i will after i move out of here

August 2004

2007-01-28T09:13:00.000-05:00

It's been over two years now that someone pointed out I had no obligations to prevent me from attending college. Since then, I have completed every school related obligation aside from applying to graduate. Somehow, having the piece of paper that shows the world I completed the phlebotomy program at Davenport doesn't seem all that important to me anymore. I suppose working at a pharmacy can do that to a girl.

Looking back on the time I spent in Davenport classrooms, I realized that the only thing I really learned was that I liked literature; Emma Thompson taught me that as I watched her quote John Donne in the movie "Wit". I find it amusing that I went to school to earn a diploma for a career in the healthcare industry, but got pulled aside by an English instructor who told me I had a writing talent I shouldn't waste.

Alright. How do I capitalize on my talent when I feel that all my words are pointless?

Is there now or will there ever be someone out in the great, big world who will insatiably devour my fictional escapes or personal commantaries? I doubt it. But that attitude will keep me from trying, so, instead, I will say yes. Yes. Someone out in the great, big world will find me undeniably interesting. It's just a matter of time.

Alright. How do I capitalize on my talent? What is my ultimate goal?

My ultimate goal is to work at home or wherever inspiration strikes me.

("Inspiration always strikes like a Mack truck speeding along the highway at 70 mph, but it never taps lightly on the shoulder and asks to spend the night." - I said that)

I'd like to publish a magazine about regular citizens. I'm tired of the celebrity crap. Why does America only celebrate people who have money? Insane. I would work with a small staff of writers who would write about the trials and successes of local people. I'd call the magazine "The Human Project", or something to that effect. Eveyone has a story to tell and I think this magazine would be a hit for about fifteen minutes.

So, I guess the "plan" is to for me to go back to school. We'll see how that goes.

The Evolution of Dance

2007-01-14T23:34:00.001-05:00


Comedian dances to clips of music from the 60's to the 2000's

October

2006-10-27T00:32:00.000-04:00

Everytime October rolls around, my life changes.

October 2006 - I am on the verge of becoming Purchasing Assistant at work. A position that involves quite a bit of responsibility and knowledge about certain things. Not only will I carry the nifty title of Purchasing Assistant, but I will become a PERMANENT employee and receive a significant pay raise. All this after two and a half months on the job. Hmm...

Jesus said, "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (KJV - St. Luke 11:9)

"You get what you pray for." - I said that

...and don't forget to give thanks!

want

2006-09-07T21:08:00.000-04:00

i read a quote the other day about how we write because we must and not because we want to.

i guess that's why i haven't posted here in a while.

moody

2006-09-04T20:18:00.000-04:00

zoloft killed my poetry.
my moody words morphed
into silly nonsense
and thoughtful one-line quotations.

zoloft killed my poetry.
i end my examinations of the human soul with
"-i said that"
instead of jerking forth the salty tears
of a young woman on the brink of her own personal hell.

zoloft killed my poetry.
death to zoloft.

cr '06

Done!

2006-08-09T10:25:00.000-04:00

Ok. I'm done with school. Now lets see how long it takes me to get a job as a vampire.

Anonymous

2006-07-15T14:29:00.000-04:00

I can only assume that I have done something to piss you off and since I don't know who you are, I can't make a specific apology. Yes. I know have mommy issues and lame ass jobs. I find it amusing that you feel you need to constantly remind me of that when I do so well of reminding myself of my lameness when I wake up every morning.

As for my ass, it is not ginormous, but it is big. However, I have been told that I have a nice shape, so I'm not too concerned with the size of my butt. You mention it so often I'm beginning to think you like it.

I'm sorry that you feel the need to berate me with insults. I suppose if you had a happier life you wouldn't feel the need to try to upset me. Words from "Anonymous" are just words and do not affect me. However, if you had the courage to post under your true identity your barbs might actually sting me.

I believe in the freedom of speech, which is why I haven't deleted any of your posts. Say whatever you want about me, but I can gaurantee you don't know the truth.

On with the show

2006-07-10T14:55:00.000-04:00

I don't really feel like blogging, but this is the only way I'm going to remember the stuff I want to put in my book, so...

I started working at a toothbrush factory in May where I met a bunch of neat people. Some of them born in different countries like China, Malaysia, Dominican Republic, Mexico, and I think even Ethiopia. It was a job that physically drained me, but fun. I think the people made it fun because we always had laughs. After seven weeks of working until my phalangeal joints were swollen, my fingers were cut and calloused, and my arms and legs were covered in bruises the company decided they didn't want me to work for them anymore. Fine. I can dig that. I have my internship to worry about and it's not easy for a phlebotomist to draw blood when her fingers are stiff and swollen.

I'm in the second week of my internship and so far it is going well. I'm averaging a 77% success rate. I have performed 43 venipuntures and 33 of them have been successful. 67 more successful pokes and I'll have my required total of 100.

Today, a female patient overheard me telling the patient I was with that I was a student. When it came time for me to draw blood from the eavsdropper, she claimed to have really small veins and that I should get someone else. Okay. No problem. The supervisor sent in the other student who has constant sniffles and always appears sickly. The eavsdropper patient, who was diabetic and had been fasting for near 12 hours, went into convulsions and then passed out. By the time the ambulance had arrived she was concious and had even vomited in a bucket. What fun! The M.A.'s at the front desk had to hold our other patients back for about 30 minutes until the ambulence left. The fainter refused to go to the hospital.

All-in-all today was fairly exciting.

Assignment

2006-06-12T11:58:00.000-04:00

I'm supposed to write a thank-you letter to someone who helped me achieved one of my goals, but since my life is devoid of people who give a shit about what I do, I'm going to write a letter to myself. MS Word stifles my creativity (I just now learned this), so I'm going to write it here on my blog.

Dear Self,

Two years ago you knew that your life was going no where and that you would amount to nothing if you did not turn off of that dead end road down which you were ambling. It wasn't until a co-worker made that earth shattering statement to you about school, did you see the shining possiblities for your future.

From the depths of my soul I want to thank you for first, listening with your head and heart to those words that were spoken by someone who was less than an acquaintance and second, I want to thank you for taking action. The most difficult part of any goal is knowing when and how to begin. Moreover, I appreciate how you have stuck to your goals and managed to get this far; your last semester of school.

Although your goal of attaining a steady job in your chosen career has not yet come to fruition, you have achieved more than I ever thought possible. Thank you for turning your life in the right direction and showing yourself that more is always possible.

Sincerely,

Self

Ustinov

2006-05-29T18:43:00.000-04:00

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much. - Peter Ustinov

Ugh...

2006-05-21T23:17:00.000-04:00

moo

Shut up

2006-05-13T15:47:00.000-04:00

"I think we all have too much to say and that's why no one is talking." -I said that

Pause

2006-04-16T17:31:00.000-04:00

Until I have something worth while to blog about, I'm going to take a break.

Mother Fate

2006-04-12T16:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like Fate is shaking me as if I were an endlessly crying baby.

I've always wanted to run away from home

2006-04-11T15:11:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those days where I wish I had somewhere else to be.

My mother purchased, via mail order, a Rug Doctor. For those of you who are oblivious to the art of carpet shampooing, a Rug Doctor is one of those huge, pain-in-the-ass vacuums that you can rent at your local grocery store. Rental is cheaper compared to actually purchasing one because they cost between $700 and $900.

At this very moment, the Rug Doctor, in its GIANT box, is sitting outside of my bedroom door. I've been hiding since the monstrous machine arrived at about ten o'clock this morning after which, my mother tells me it's my job to shampoo the carpenting.

Damnit woman! Can't you see I have better things to do!?

Like blogging my complaints, for instance.

:)

April Countdown

2006-04-10T06:15:00.000-04:00

17 more days until the end of the semester; the last semester!!

Einstein's Riddle

2006-04-08T10:55:00.000-04:00

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S RIDDLE

ARE YOU IN THE TOP 2% OF INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? SOLVE THE RIDDLE AND FIND OUT.

There are no tricks, just pure logic, so good luck and don't give up.

1. In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours.
2. In each house lives a person of different nationality
3. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

THE QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

HINTS

1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.

ALBERT EINSTEIN WROTE THIS RIDDLE EARLY DURING THE 19th CENTURY. HE SAID THAT 98% OF THE WORLD POPULATION WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE IT.

Stuff

2006-04-05T11:56:00.000-04:00

Yeah. Stuff is OK.

I like stuff.

Basket case

2006-03-31T21:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've lost my common-sense and that I've grown more and more incompetent over these past few months. I don't know if it's stress or some other mental incapcity, but I sure hope it goes away soon.

fatigue
depression
insomnia
anxiety
transposing letters
lack of comprehension and attention

I'm even starting to feel claustrophobic in my own room. I think I need some reassurance because I'm starting to feel like a complete loser.

Why I don't eat at the kitchen table...

2006-03-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

I've always had reasons for not eating at the kitchen table, but until today my reasons have never been truly justified. Today, my mother put the cat box ON the kitchen table in order to clean it out.

This is a new quirk.

Slogans

2006-03-28T12:05:00.000-05:00

If I were a coroner who just moved to a new community, I would put up a sign in front of my office that read:

"Now seeing dead people"

If I owned a family-run funeral home that has been in business for two-hundred years, the sign out front would read:

"Seeing dead people since 1806"

No fumar

2006-03-17T22:02:00.000-05:00

It was fun, but now it's over. Another temp assignment has come and gone during two of the longest weeks I have lived this year.

I applied at a tobacco store today. I hope I get it; I'm so sick of temp jobs.

Stationary Sickness

2006-03-13T17:34:00.000-05:00

At some point in my life I developed a disease called Panic Disorder; I discovered the reality of this today.

While I was riding in a hospital elevator this afternoon, there was an interruption in the electricity which caused the elevator to stop. The lights in the elevator remained on, but I was sent into an immediate state of panic. I know better than to scream or cause a scene, so I just crouched down and tried to focus on my breathing while concentrating on something else. My co-workers who were with me completely understood and talked me through my episode until the elevator resumed two minutes later.

I have always had a fear of being physically restrained whether it be by another person or an enclosed space from which I have no means to escape. I've never had a problem with elevators before, aside from the fact that they have always made me somewhat dizzy, because they are always moving. It is only when the elevator stops moving do I have a problem.

According to a brochure printed by the National Anxiety Foundation, there could be two reasons for Panic Disorder. Carbon dioxide sensitivity or a defect of chromosome 15. I'm not sure I agree with either of these explanations, but they do merit further investigation.

I don't like having Panic Disorder. It makes me feel like an idiot because I know the fear I feel during an episode is illogical/irrational, but I can't seem to just make it go away. I can't snap out of it. It is a feeling of impending doom. A racing heartbeat. Thoughts of "I can't get out!", "Get me out!". "I'm dying!".

It's the most terrifying nonsense anyone will ever experience without reasonable cause and I hate it.

Another Sunny March Weekend

2006-03-11T15:01:00.000-05:00

Let me first start by saying, I need a new computer keyboard. I had an accident with some water the other day and now my 10-key pad and cursor arrow keys no longer functions. I dislike using the number keys on the top row because they are placed in sequential order in a straight line and the only time I use them is when I'm typing a document where I may need to type one or two digits at a time. Otherwise, to me, the top row of numbers is completely useless. Except for now, of course.

OK, enough of that...

I started a new temp job last Monday. I'm working with Hospira, a medical equipment and drug company, at Spectrum Hospital to upgrade the IV pumps that Hospira manufactures. My duty is to scour the hospital for IV pumps and bring them to the mighty engineers to change the batteries and computer chips. From what I've been told, Hospira changed battery vendors and updated the chip software to prevent further malfunctions of IV pumps that are hooked to patients. This is all for the benefit of the patients, but the nurses still give us a hard time. However, most of them are co-operative.

This job involves walking and standing for about 95% of my day. It's not a horrible job. As a matter of fact, I think it's fairly interesting. I get to hang out in a hospital and count the number of phlebs I see in a day. This job has made me re-direct my career path back to healthcare and away from writing. Writing can be my unbasterdized hobby.

Another factor that has re-directed my career path is the news that another female celebrity chose her career of staring in motion pictures over her marriage and starting a family. I detest this concept and I find it shameful that women with this ideal can be role models to the younger generations. God put us here be fruitful and multiply in numbers not to star in movies. Which is why I changed my mind about majoring in Creative Writing. As I see it, I'm 27-years old now and if I attended a 4-year university part-time while working as a phleb full-time I won't graduate until I'm in my mid-thirties. Sorry, that won't do.

I have priorities and most of them do not involve just myself.

Minor Adjustment

2006-03-02T14:00:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking I might put the creative writing major on hold for at least six months while working as a phleb.

I need a break from school and I have other interests that I'd like to pursue. In addition, I asked my grandmother if I could live in her vacant house because it's just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the college to which I was going to apply. She said she didn't mind, but I changed my mind about that. I don't want to be beholden to her, her life-span, and other relatives, so I'm just going to get my own place somewhere and then return to school.

That is exactly what I want and hopefully it shouldn't take to long to get it. All I have to do is survive the remainder of this semester before starting my internship in May. I should be done in August and finally working as a phlebotomist in August as well. I'll save one-third of each check for three months and then finally...

MOVE OUT!

My mind, like river water, is always rushing to be somewhere else.

10,000 milestones

2006-02-22T13:17:00.000-05:00

The time was approximately 12:20 P.M. I was eating a peanut butter granola bar and Disturbed's version of Land of Confusion was playing on the radio. I was driving south-bound on the East Beltline, a fairly busy road, while keeping a close eye on the odometer. 9,999 miles.

I've had my car for one year and four months and where am I when my car reaches 10,000 miles? Pulling up to a stop light on the East Beltline while eating a peanut butter granola bar and listening to Disturbed's version of Land of Confusion on the radio at approximately 12:20 P.M.

I knew this day was coming. As a matter of fact, I've been planning this since Sunday when I noticed the odometer read 9,900 miles. Since then, I've been writing down how many miles it takes to get from Point A to Point B. Fifteen miles here. Twelve miles there. It only took me three days of regularly scheduled driving to accumulate those last one-hundred miles.

10,000 miles and I can't think of any spectacular locations to where I've driven. I wonder how many years it would have taken me to walk 10,000 miles.

Front

2006-02-21T16:47:00.000-05:00

"It's easy to be someone you aren't when you don't know who you are." - I said that

Typo

2006-02-19T16:52:00.000-05:00

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." - Randy K. Milholland

Guitars

2006-02-16T23:21:00.000-05:00

My first guitar looked like this one. It was a Harmony that my mother bought for me from a mail-order catalog when I was 16.

After the Harmony fell apart, I got this Fender Squire.

Decision '06

2006-02-15T14:56:00.000-05:00

I have finally decided. No wishy-washy feelings here. Nope. I've finally decided that I will, with all certainty, be attending GVSU.

I toured the GVSU campus yesterday where I was warmly welcomed by the admissions staff and the advisors. Compared to WMU, GVSU's facilities are more updated and cleaner. Also, the average age of the GVSU student is late 20s early 30s which makes me feel much more comfortable with attending a 4-year university. WMU's average age was late teen's and early 20s. I felt like I was too old when I was at WMU and that I wouldn't fit in.

GVSU also has an excellent writing program and a ton of resources for writers. I am so excited about this. I can't wait!!

GVSU

The Lady's Yes (excerpt)

2006-02-14T08:16:00.000-05:00

By your truth she shall be true--
Ever true, as wives of yore--
And her Yes, once said to you,
SHALL be Yes for evermore.

Elizabeth Barret Browning

Snow is fattening

2006-02-12T16:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a fairly gloomy day today, but not too cold. I looked out my window this afternoon and saw that it looked like OK walking weather. I got my coat, my shoes, and iPod (took about 5 or so minutes) I looked out the window again and what did I see?

A BLIZZARD!!!

So, I decided to do some laundry.

I looked out the window again after I finished putting all of my respectable clothes in the washing machine and what did I see??

NO SNOW!!!

Damn Michigan weather.

Taylor 3/4

2006-02-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

Paper cuts...

2006-02-10T14:23:00.000-05:00

God's way of telling us to stop cutting down His trees.

Too late now

2006-02-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

The deadline to apply for graduation has passed.

I don't care.

Commencement

2006-02-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

When it came time for my high school graduation, I didn't have to think about whether I wanted to participate in the ceremony or not. I knew I didn't. Now that I'll be graduating from college, I can't decide if I want to participate.

It's not like I'll be walking away with a Bachelors degree or anything. I'll just have a diploma in Phlebotomy; no big deal.

Maybe I'll just sit this one out too.

A friend once told me...

2006-01-31T16:59:00.000-05:00

Life sometimes falls apart, so that it can fall in place.

My life hasn't fallen apart yet, but right now it is coming unraveled.

Strangely enough, I'm OK with that.

How to Write a Personal Plan

2006-01-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

Goals are important, and to keep myself on track I came up with this step-by-step method of making a three- or five-year plan.

1. Write down your top five goals that you want to accomplish within the next three to five years.

2. Write down why you want to achieve each of your top five goals and how your life would change if you accomplished them.

3. Write down the obstacles you believe are preventing you from achieving each of your goals.

4. Write down how you can overcome your obstacles. What advice would you give someone else in your situation?

5. Write down how you would feel if you failed to achieve each of your goals. Would you be worse off then you are now?

It's very important that you not just think about these things, but also WRITE THEM DOWN! This is essentially your guidebook to the next three to five years of your life and your goals should dictate every decision that you make.

Update your plan often, and don't overwhelm yourself with unattainable goals. Keep them practical and achievable.

If you don't have five goals, don't worry. The first time I made my five-year plan I only had three goals; two of which I have completed within 90% and 75% respectively and because I still have two and half years to go, I updated my plan. I included some new goals because as humans, we are always changing and so should our goals.

100!

2006-01-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

This is the 100th post to my blog.

A tribute to the life of Rattykins who died one year ago, today.

Remembering Rattykins

It is amazing how quickly life can go from present tense to past tense in less than an instant. Words like “have” and “are” quickly transform into “had” and “was” and, someone that I love "now" becomes someone that I loved "when". I experienced a painful change in tense on January 25, 2005, at twenty minutes to midnight, when I discovered that my darling pet rat had died. Some people may not see the point of keeping a rat as a pet because they think that all rats are dirty, but what they do not realize is how clean and enjoyable they can be, and how much they can affect your life after their death.

A fancy brown rat that I named Rattykins, Ratty for short, entered my life when I bought her from Pet’sMart in the late spring of 2002; I had no specific reason for choosing her over her companions; I simply thought that she was cute. When I first brought her home, she began sneezing as if she had a cold, and a thin red fluid covered her nose. I was afraid that she was too ill to keep and that I would have to return her, but she quickly got better. I kept Ratty in a cage, in my bedroom, where she would make such a racket chewing on the metal bars all night that I would have to move her into the bathroom so that I could get some sleep. When it came time to clean her enclosure, I replaced all of the soiled pine shavings with clean shavings, filled up her water bottle, and put her food into a little dish. In nature, rats do not eat out of designated food dishes; they bury their food to hide it from other animals and that is just what Rattykins did. I eventually got the point, and saved her the trouble of tipping the dish over by piling her food in a corner. Aside from eating the proper rat food, Rattykins also enjoyed carrots, peanut butter, bits of cookies, and anything else she could get her little paws on. Sometimes, she would eat food right out of my hand without ever biting me by mistake.
Rattykins never bit. The worst damage she ever did was when I took her on an outing with my friend to visit a friend who worked at a small pet store. My friend, John, held Ratty on his shoulder most of the time while we were at the pet store, and she was content to just sit there and watch the scenery. When it was time to go, I took Ratty from John’s shoulder and immediately noticed that she had relieved herself on him. John, having bred rats in his teenage years, although annoyed, expected that to happen and was not too upset. I, on the other had, thought it was amusing until she had relieved herself on me in a more solid manner. I managed to brush it off, and we went home. The outing to the pet store was only one of the two times that John and I took her out of the house.

A few months after I got Rattykins, I began developing an itchy rash that spread all over my body. At first, the rash was inexplicable and people at work quizzed me on whether or not I had tried a different shower or laundry soap, but that was not the case. John came to the realization that Ratty may have been the cause of my discomfort and that it might be wise to get rid of her, so we asked around and nobody wanted a sweet little rat for a pet. As a last resort, John and I decided to set Rattykins free in a large field with an abandoned barn where she could make a home for herself. It was a few days before Thanksgiving that we said good-bye to Ratty. Before I left her, I gave her the sock that she had cuddled with so many nights in her cage, so that she would have something warm and familiar.

The next day at work, I was so distraught with grief for abandoning my beloved pet in a field, and not knowing that it would snow that night, I wanted to go back and get her. John, feeling sorry for me, agreed to go back and look for her. We were both amazed when we got to the field that she was in the same place we had left her! I believe that she knew we would be back for her, so she did not leave her sock. I miss my dear little Rattykins very much since she has been gone, and only now can I see the signs of sickness that she had exhibited.

The week before she died, I had noticed that she had become a little more sluggish and did not respond my kissing noises that I typically made to get her attention. I knew she was getting on in years, but I did not know that it was her time. I returned from work on January 25th to find her lying in her tank, too tired to even lift her head. I picked her up and she did not even bother to wiggle, so I consulted John, since he knew rats better than I did, and he suggested that I get her some orange juice and pure cane sugar to boost her immune system. Rattykins last meal was orange juice-soaked sugar cubes, and a few hours later, I fed to her, out of my hand, some bits of strawberry and oranges. I put her back in her enclosure and left her alone to rest, when I looked back some time later I saw that she had died. Imagine my upset when I saw that my lovely little friend was gone.

Even though the tense of her life may have changed for the past, my memories of Rattykins will always remain in the present. I will always remember how she licked my hand every time I went to pet her. I will always remember how she would peek out of her cardboard hide to see me tapping on the glass of her enclosure. I will always remember how I loved a rat even when I never imagined I would. I may have bought a rat for a few dollars, but the friendship and the memories were priceless.

One

2006-01-24T18:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, this is a countdown.

Two

2006-01-23T22:58:00.000-05:00

I woke up early this morning to start my new job. I left work at 2 P.M.

From work I went straight to school and waited around for three hours because class didn't start until 6 P.M.

Class didn't wrap up until quarter to 9 P.M. and from school I drove to stupid Meijer to get the stupid "appropriate" clothes for work. It took me an hour just to find a stupid pair of pants that fit.

I didn't get home until almost 11 P.M. and instead of "good-night" I get "yeah whatever".

He's such an ass-hole.

Three

2006-01-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

I have a feeling that I'll be napping quite a bit within the next few weeks.

Working from 10 A.M. to 2 P.M. Monday thru Friday isn't too exciting and I don't have any major school projects to complete this semester.

I don't care.

I'm tired.

Four

2006-01-20T11:23:00.000-05:00

I got that part-time job I interviewed for yesterday!!!

Whooo Hooo!

Five

2006-01-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

I'm in a transitional period.

I've been displaced from my full-time job.
I interviewed for a part-time job today; I think it went very well.

I'm in my last semester of school and my internship is coming up in May.
I applied to WMU, and if I'm accepted I'll be moving out on my own again.

Life is certainly looking brighter.

Six

2006-01-17T12:17:00.000-05:00

Seven

2006-01-16T15:49:00.001-05:00

Nothing breaks my heart into pieces more than knowing someone lied to me.

Eight

2006-01-15T18:32:00.000-05:00

"Infinity is relative to the openness of one's mind." - I said that

How to Impress a Girl

2006-01-14T18:01:00.000-05:00

This the first line of an e-mail sent to me by a fellow from Hot or Not:

"First thing I am going to do is apologize for taking so long to write back. Just me being a Loser nothing else."

Now I know why he's 38-years old and never been married.

Philosophy of a dream

2006-01-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

It was perhaps three years ago that I dreamt of a lush mountain which no person in the nearby village was able to climb. The reason I was given was this:

"We can't reach the zenith because we gored the bull."

Fog

2006-01-06T06:20:00.000-05:00

THE FOG comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.

Carl Sandburg

Once by the Pacific

2006-01-03T21:52:00.000-05:00

The shattered water made a misty din.
Great waves looked over others coming in,
And thought of doing something to the shore
That water never did to land before.
The clouds were low and hairy in the skies,
Like locks blown forward in the gleam of eyes.
You could not tell, and yet it looked as if
The shore was lucky in being backed by cliff,
The cliff in being backed by continent;
It looked as if a night of dark intent
Was coming, and not only a night, an age.
Someone had better be prepared for rage.
There would be more than ocean-water broken
Before God's last Put out the Light was spoken.

Robert Frost

Gloat

2006-01-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

I figured out the answer to the 'Too Many Interests; What Do I Do?' riddle last year when I was 26, so I guess that means I'm 4 years ahead of some of the 30-year old males out there.

Proof, once again, that girls mature faster than boys.

It is born

2005-12-29T21:22:00.000-05:00

My newest blog "A Library is Thought in Cold Storage" is officially open for viewing.

The link is over there ->

Enjoy!

My newest brain child

2005-12-28T22:50:00.000-05:00

I'll be starting a blog about books that I'm currently reading.

I just finished a book, but I don't know if I want to go back through it to find interesting tidbits on which to comment or begin a new book and make comments throughout my reading of it.

Whatever I decide, the blog will be up soon and it shall be called "A Library is Thought in Cold Storage" which is a quote by Herbert Samuel.

Now playing...

2005-12-26T09:17:00.000-05:00

Like ball-bearings in an empty coffee can, the thoughts in my head are rattling around, banging into each other and constantly making that really annoying cluncking noise. I'm quite prepared to open my skull with a can-opener to release these damn thoughts, but since thoughts are not tangible like ball-bearings I'm reduce to merely draining them from my cranium via my fingers and my computer keyboard.

And here they are in no particular order:

Christmas - I spent Christmas day holed up in my room. Playing solitaire with an actual deck of cards, watching stupid movies and the Discovery Channel, eating candy canes, and sleeping. A few days ago some said to me, "Holidays are what you make of them." No. Holidays are what your family makes of them. My family celebrated Christmas early this year. On the 18th of December I drove 50-some miles to Muskegon to enjoy a Christmas lunch of frozen meatballs slathered in spaghetti sauce, green onions wrapped in cream cheese and ham cold-cuts, and ham and cheese wrapped in flour tortillas. How disappointing. The only thing that made up for the dismal Christmas feast was the dessert. We had more desserts there than the bakery shop at the local grocery store. Chocolate fudge, caramel apple cheesecake, Banket, and the usual lot of creative concoctions that probably consisted of left-over sweets from halloween and birthdays. I had a taste of everything, but I was still disappointed and HUNGRY. I suppose I could have spent the holiday shoveling food onto the plates of the homeless, but I'm just not that caring.

Stupid Movies - Of the three movies I watched this weekend, Family Guy: Stewie: The Untold Story, Willy Wonka starring Johnny Depp, and Spiderman 2, Spiderman was the ONLY movie worth my time.

I'm somewhat of a fan of the Family Guy series because sometimes I like nonsense, but this Stewie "movie" was HORRIBLE. Stewie's story should have remained untold. It wasn't even funny and it made even less sense than the TV shows usually do.

Now, Willy Wonka, on the other hand, was scary. Johnny Depp was good, but the way he portrayed Wonka reminded me a bit too much of Michael Jackson. The Oompa Loompas were played by only one actor whose name is Deep Roy (how porn-like). A very short, Indian guy born in Kenya who has a face only his mother could love. The Oompa songs were horrible too. Everything was just HORRIBLE!

Chat Rooms - I quit. I don't know why I started chatting again, but I quit. It's all ridiculous. It's all made-up drama. It's all a waste of my valuable time. The main problem I have with chatting is that anything that's said/typed in a room can be construed in any number of ways depending on the mood or moral character of the individual reading what was typed. I'm tired of assumptions. I'm tired of online "relationships". I'm old-fashioned and I need some good ol' human contact. A face-to-face conversation complete with body language and facial expressions would be nice.

Mom

2005-12-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

My mom scares me.
She's not right in the head.
Sometimes I think she's going to kill me,
At night while I'm laying in my bed.

Heavenly Annoyance

2005-12-09T17:48:00.000-05:00

Oh, heavenly annoyance!
You are my guiding light.
The passion which fuels my fire.
The rock in my shoe,
The lash in my eye.

Oh, heavenly annoyance!
You are the hushed whispers
Of idiots that boil my blood,
The mess my cat made on the rug,
And the hole in my life that's been dug.

Oh heavenly annoyance!
You drive me insane,
You drive me insane,
You drive me insane.

40 Days to Infinity

2005-12-05T19:18:00.000-05:00

No heavy issues weighing on my soul today.

I hope it lasts to infinity.

Three songs home

2005-11-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

When I was in the Human Diseases class we had to watch the movie Wit. I believe I have mentioned that movie some time before, so I won't go into that again. Today I recommended to a friend that she watch that movie because it's just that good. I told her the reason the class was shown the movie (med terms, and what not) and then I told her what I got out of watching that movie. A new found fondness for literature. She called that a blessing and I agree. And then she said I'm double lucky because I'm in school learning a skill that will get me a good job and allow me to return to school in order to pursue an education in literature and creative writing.

I'm sold!

Dylan

2005-11-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

It's times likes these, when I need someone to sing to me, I click on good ol' Dylan.

Dylan sings for me.

M.C. Escher

2005-11-27T22:44:00.000-05:00

Relativity 1953

Total Recall

2005-11-24T06:01:00.000-05:00

It's 5 AM on Thanksgiving morning and I have just awaken from a very strange dream. It goes something likes this (real-life interjections are in parenthesis)...

My grandparents were getting re-married (my grandfather died 9 years ago, so this can't happen). I made the wedding cake for them, but someone else, a man whom I don't know, decorated it. He did a horrible job which made me extremely upset. He kept asking the wedding guests if they wanted the left-over cake scraps. I couldn't figure out why until I saw his work area. He had trimmed the cake so much that it was much smaller than what I intended it to be. I remember I was wearing a very lovely lavender dress and my hair was up. I asked a woman if I could photograph the wedding and she said a professional photographer had already been hired. I replied to her by saying that I only wanted to shoot candid images at the reception.
She said that was okay. I don't know who the woman was, but she was young, so she could not have been my grandmother. Although, she did seem bride-like. I don't ever remember seeing the faces of my grandparents, but I do remember them cuddling on a reclining chair. Actually, I remember a masculine figure wrapped in a blanket on the reclining chair and my grandmother attempting to sit with him on the chair. Her positioning on the chair was awkward. The reception was to begin at 3PM, but every time I saw the clock at 3, I looked away as if to leave to tell everyone it was time. I looked back at the clock and the time was off by a few hours. I was outside when my cousin Paul and his wife arrived (Paul was recently married and a most of his deceased father's side of the family, my side, was not invited to the wedding, which made for some bitterness). A few people made negative comments about the appearance and manner of Paul's wife.

That's all I remember from the first half of my dream. Now, on to the second half which was very bloody. I can only attempt to remember this part from end to beginning.

I was in a classroom with children of varying ages, races, and medical conditions. A 14 year old girl was at a blackboard on wheels when just out of nowhere, she was mildly electrocuted and incapacitated. I thought for a moment my enemy had returned, but another adult in the classroom suggested something. I don't remember what, but apparently I had to "cure" this girl by touching three other children and then touch the inflicted girl. It was like unlocking a code. I touched the first two children in haste and the third one, a toddler, reached out to me as if he understood what was required. He was partially naked and covered in wheals, but he smiled like he knew something I didn't know. I touched the inflicted girl at the blackboard and "HIV" immediately came to my mind. She was well again.

Before that (I was 3rd person)...

I woke up in bed with the male hero of my dream and two of the rescued children. We were all happy.

Before that...

I was at my grandmother's vacant house where the enemy, a male figure who was wearing futuristic armor and wielding a very large gun, was trying to kill me and my male counterpart. My male counterpart somewhat resembled Richard Dean Anderson, although, I didn't get a good look at his face. While at my grandmother's vacant house, which was dark and quiet, I tried to hide from the enemy who had just walked in. I made a futile attempt to hide in a corner behind the dining room table, but I was found and shot at several times. I wasn't scared and the thought 'there are no bullets' entered my mind and I was uninjured and the enemy was gone. I saw an old woman with a wound on her arm walk into the bedroom. She had just been grazed by a bullet, but her wound was wrapped with gauze. It was as if she were just in my position behind the table. Or perhaps it was me in her position? I went outside and saw large blood clots and human tissue on the shrubbery. Children were screaming and running about. The enemy was after them and my male counterpart was nowhere to be found. (I'm tired of remember this dream. It's very long and very complex. It's already 6AM. Maybe I'll finish it another time if I can remember.)

The Old Widow's Dream

2005-11-22T16:30:00.000-05:00

You called me last night to say hello, and although you roused me from my sleep, I didn't mind; I had longed to hear from you for some time. Your voice was so gentle and loving. In vain, I pressed the phone against my cheek to feel the warmth of your breath on my skin. I wanted nothing more than to be with you and the miles between us to be reduced to mere millimeters.
In my sleepy haze I heard you say, "I'll be home soon dearest, now go back to sleep. I love you."

Then silence.

I opened my eyes. The telephone was on the night-stand next to our bed and my empty hand was at my ear. "I love you too, dearest", I whispered. "I'll be home soon."

cR '05

I adpoted another one!

2005-11-21T16:30:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's true. I adopted another Mac computer into my ever growing family of fine Apple products. This time it is a lovely, blueberry iBook from 2000. 300Mhz and a 6GB HDD; all I need to process words and the internet is forbidden.

Closer

2005-11-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

With every week that passes I get closer and closer to my goal of having a better job and moving out on my own (again). I'm 27 and I'm looking forward to starting a meaningful life with someone.

I'm so exasperated with my misery.

451

2005-11-10T07:46:00.000-05:00

If I were one of the Book People in Fahrenheit 451 I would be The Catcher in the Rye.

The Misunderstood

2005-11-03T15:59:00.000-05:00

The Misunderstood stand alone
Each upon a rock in a field of stones,
Peering out over the lonely sea,
They are the ones who know of misery.

The Misunderstood walk alone
In silent contemplation of which path to take home.
Untrusting and weary of strangers and friends,
The Misunderstood have failed again.

Confusion and Contempt
Their lives are like wires;
Twisted and bent.

I'm misunderstood, I stand alone
Alone upon a rock in a field of stones.
Wading out into the deep lonely sea
Relying on the water to drown my misery.

Confusion and Contempt
My life is like a wire;
Twisted and bent.

I'm misunderstood, I kneel alone.
I kneel before the Lord and I beg to go home.
I don't want to live.
I don't want to die.
I'm misunderstood, alone I cry.

I am misunderstood, alone I cry.

Resurrection 25

2005-11-02T23:01:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep tonight.

Not because I am incapable, but because I don't want to. Most nights I lay in bed thinking until the wee hours of dawn when my alarm clock sounds its menacing buzz. I'm giving up. There is no difference between thinking while laying down and thinking while sitting at my computer and playing Mah Jong.

I hate my thoughts. Most of them turn into unhealthy obsessions with people who don't want anything to do with me. I swear, I'm just too sad to have friends and lovers. Everything I have only exists in my head and when I experience reality, I am forced to remember that all I have is made-up. Just the thought of going to bed severely depresses me. I dread it.

I refuse to sleep tonight.

Infinity Theory

2005-11-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

It's difficult to explain, so I will have to map it out someday and then make a post about it.

I had an epiphany regarding my theory today and that is that I have just completed a 7 year circle, a pattern, in my life.

I know this because it's November.

Btw...I didn't plan on this post making any sense whatsoever.

Ladies Pasttime

2005-10-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

Three men from Two Men in a Truck moved my piano today.

My new hobby is watching men lift heavy furniture.

Yum.

I was OK 'til now

2005-10-29T18:25:00.000-04:00

I don't know what happened, but suddenly I'm really depressed.

Comment

2005-10-25T15:51:00.000-04:00

Can someone please tell me why it is better to live than to die?

Update

2005-10-25T12:47:00.000-04:00

I don't like people who lie to me because it destroys what little trust I have in the world.

Therefore, John doesn't get any of my stuff when I die.

If I Die Before I Wake

2005-10-25T12:44:00.000-04:00

I have a stomach ache tonight and I don't know if it's from nerves or the effects of hitting my head earlier today. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'm afraid I might die. There are seven days remaining in this month of October and I can't wait for them to be over because all of the previous days have been very trying for me.
During the last two weeks of September I attempted to make a friend at work who eventually fell victim to an unexpected lay-off the first week of October. Josh was a twenty-three year old who loved to read almost anything available to him to a point where it was almost a flaw. I often invited him to walk outside at break-time when the weather was decent, but he preferred to read. I'm not an expert at making friends, so when he constantly turned me down I got to feeling like there was something wrong with me. In the end I realized that he was just a very timid young man who preferred conversations via instant messenger instead of face-to-face. I will never see him again, but I learned a valuable lesson about the type of men I prefer and that is that timidity is not a quality I can tolerate.
The bulk of my October I have spent making livable a mobile home my mother recently purchased. A completely thank-less job, but one that I took on without reluctance because I must live there too. I single-handedly cleaned all of the walls, taped and untaped the molding, and applied the primer and the paint. I also shampooed the carpeting. I did everything on my own, aside from a kitchen wall that mother volunteered to prime for me. She made a small mess here and there, but in the end it was one thing less for me to do. With all the heavy lifting, reaching, and stooping I did I eventually injured my wrist. I don't recall what I was doing at the time, but I remember experiencing an almost unbearable pain in my wrist after I smacked it against an unforgiving object. A few days later I left work early to seek medical attention, despite the fact that I do not have medical insurance. After a series of x-rays, I was diagnosed with a bruised bone and I was told there is a small chip of bone floating around in my hand. The doctor instructed me to wear a splint to stabilize my wrist and to take Celebrex for the pain. At the end of my shift at work the next day, I was laid-off. Now, I have no income.
If all that disappointment and pain wasn't enough, I now have to worry about my mortality. It was Sunday, October 23rd, that I decided to go to the gym. I hadn't been to the gym in over a month and half and I felt like getting in a little cardiovascular activity to relieve some stress, but all I really got was a bump on the head. I went to the locker-room after I completed twenty minutes on the treadmill and twenty-five minutes on the recumbent bike; non-strenuous exercises that I had done in the past. I went into the shower and after about five minutes I began to feel very light-headed, panicked, and extremely tired. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of the shower with a headache from hitting my head on the wall and feeling very scared. I know it was all my fault. I could have prevented that event by eating before going to the gym and I would have done that if I had felt hungry, but I didn't. Moreover, I should have brought a drink like tea or Gatorade instead of water with me, but I didn't.
I have a stomach ache tonight, because I'm a medical student who briefly learned about concussions and hematomas of the brain. I'm scared that if I go to sleep I might not wake up. If I have not woken up, send ALL of my stuff to John; number two on my cell phone speed-dial. He's the only person who wants what have.

You're a moron and I'm a trigger

2005-10-19T16:36:00.000-04:00

I feel as though I am dying.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know who I am supposed to be.

I want to take all of my money out of the bank and just drive.
I want to drive far away.

Leaving without good-bye is my version of suicide.
"She just left and never came back."

I want this life to be over.

I'm tired of reading the same sentance over and over.
I want to turn the page.

La Machina

2005-10-16T00:16:00.000-04:00

I think I'm a machine.

I just spent 12 hours painting the walls of that previously mentioned mobile home. I took two food breaks and that was it.

When I have a purpose; I'm a machine.

No Fair

2005-10-12T16:28:00.000-04:00

I don't want to live with my poor excuse for a mother, but I do because I can't afford to pay my own rent right now.
The rent where we live now is practically $700 per month and The Mother just can't afford that anymore. Being the "selfish" person that I am; I convinced The Mother to purchase a mobile home.
A trailer.
A trailer in a trailer park.
How glorious.

I sold her on all the main points that mattered to her and she went for it. The rent will be much less than it is now, plus, when I move out, she'll own her own home and not a soul can kick her out. What I'm trying to get at here is that we are moving. Which means she thinks she has the right to throw out my stuff without asking if I needed any of it. But I, on the other hand, am not allowed to throw out the stuff I KNOWshe doesn't need. She has, for example, a very large polar bear that has been urinated on by a now deceased cat. The bear can not be thrown out. Why? I don't know, but I'm thinking the bear may have a mysterious accident within the next few days. I've been painting her new/old home since the beginning of October in an attempt to make it look halfway decent and she wants to take that pissy polar bear with her. It makes me sick! Oh yeah. She also has this inversion table she wants to keep and she's never even used the damn thing because she's too FAT to get on it. Now I've got to lug all this superfluous shit over to the new residence without any help from her. Poor excuse for a mother I'm telling ya.

On a lighter note. I'm considering an education in creative writing. I don't know what makes me think I could be any sort of writer, but the whole idea sounds very exciting to me. I like poetry too. If y'all hadn't noticed.

Of course, I can't make any decisions about my future education until after I get my phlebotomy diploma and I'm working as a vampire in a hospital somewhere.

Oh happy day! I emailed my favorite journalist the other day expressing how much I really liked his writing style. He's very poetic and his personality shines right through the stories he writes and reports. I also asked him for a book recommendation because I was feeling fairly lost after finishing The Catcher in the Rye and because I knew that asking a question would elicit a well-thought out response other than just a "Thanks!". Yes! He replied. Yesterday actually. He recommended Into Thin Air by some author whose name presently escapes me and David Copperfield, a classic by Charles Dickens.

OK. Enough. I've got a paper to write about blood-letting and all its gory details.

Peak

2005-10-10T16:46:00.000-04:00

The peak fell off the mountain,
I pushed it off with my hand,
I didn't mean to do it.
It was an accident,
Unplanned

I was laying in the grass,
Atop the yonder emerald hill,
When I decided to arrange the clouds
To form a whippoorwill.

I accidentally grabbed a rain cloud,
They are very slippery you know,
My hand slipped off and hit the peak,
Which went crashing down below.

The peak fell off the mountain,
I pushed it off with my hand,
I didn't mean to break the mountain.
It was an accident,
Unplanned.

cR '05

I Remain

2005-10-10T16:30:00.000-04:00

Somewhere,
Along the white sand coastline of my fantasies,
I'm sunning on the beach of Memories.
Reminiscing on all that I have done,
And considering all that is yet to come.

Above me,
Seagulls do not cry familiar screams today.
Instead they sing and call my name.
Lifting my soul to a higher plane,
And leaving my body to the remains of the day.

cR '05

Ashes

2005-10-08T18:10:00.000-04:00

Words, for me, are like ashes;
Scattered in the w i n d.
By some,
They can be caught and molded
To form deep reflections from within.

But I am not a word catcher;
I lack the proper net.
So all my thoughts
Are burnt and lost.
Tossed.
To where?
I forget.

cR '05

Sometimes Never and Always

2005-10-08T17:49:00.000-04:00

Sometimes,
I feel that no matter what I say,
My words are twisted
And digested in a different way.

Never,
Do I understand,
The source of my rejection,
But I get the impression
It's the cause of my regression.

Always,
I feel as though I'm thoughtless,
Not so much uncaring or unkind,
But rather, I mean,
The long-lost tenants of my vacant mind.

cR '05

Selfish Shelfish

2005-10-03T21:16:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday my mother told me how selfish I am and how I only think about myself.

I asked her who she was thinking about every time she beat the shit out of me when I was a kid.

She said, "I would have never done that to you!".

She called me a liar.

Knight-errantry

2005-09-16T20:21:00.000-04:00

I finished reading Don Quixote today. The first part of the book was hilarious, but the second part was a total let down.

At least I can say I read it.

Things

2005-09-11T09:31:00.000-04:00

I may say that I love my car, my iPod, or my camera, but in truth, they are just things that I appreciate owning.

I think therefore iPod

2005-09-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

nano nano nano...

Mine!

Jumping

2005-09-09T20:55:00.000-04:00

OK. Perhaps I got a little ahead of myself when I declared Ferris State the future institution of my higher education. In truth, I have not yet fully considered all of my options. One thing is for certain, I will be changing my current major from medical assisting to phlebotomy because I really, REALLY don't want to be an M.A.

I hope I'm not jumping the gun on the phlebotomy issue because I haven't even drawn blood with a needle yet. What if I'm not any good at it?

No M.A. for me

2005-09-06T21:30:00.000-04:00

I don't want to be a Medical Assistant, I never did, so I'm changing my major to phlebotomy and next semester will be my last semester at Davenport. I plan on working through the spring and summer to pay off my student loans and then return to school in the fall refreshed and ready to learn. I'm thinking about attending Ferris State (B.S. Applied Biology/Forensics) or GVSU (Clinical Lab Science).

Of course, I'll never get anywhere if I can't find an Investigational New Drug for a pharmacology paper that's due in two weeks.

Memory

2005-09-04T14:03:00.000-04:00

I'm so quiet and unobtrusive that I can make you forget I exist.

And the winner is...

2005-09-03T23:01:00.000-04:00

Ferris State University

September

2005-09-03T13:56:00.000-04:00

It's been one year since I returned to school and at the rate I'm going, two classes per semester, it will be another year before I'm done. This semester I'm taking Pharmacology and Phlebotomy Lab, two subjects that so far, I'm enjoying. When I'm done with school and all the certification tests, I'll be a Medical Assistant/Plebotomist, but I have no intention of stopping there. I'm considering other career options in the medical field like nurse, medical technologist, medical technician, anatomical pathologist, forensic pathologist, criminologist, and pharmacist. Regardless of which option I choose, I'm going to need a natural science background, so I plan on attending a four-year university. Now I just got to find the right one.

This is quite a bit of information to wrap my brain around, but I'm excited.

Honestly

2005-08-24T22:21:00.000-04:00

Nobody likes me when I tell the truth, so I'm going to start lying.

Unhappiness is...

2005-08-23T19:59:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired of complaining about everything I deal with in my daily life.

Yes. I'm complaining about complaining. I have reached a new low.

Epistaxis

2005-08-22T17:06:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like waking up extra early on a Monday morning with a damn bloody nose.

Why can't Fate just leave me alone?

Confession

2005-08-20T20:47:00.000-04:00

I want a gnome.